1916 Yearbook
Source URL
Title
1916 Yearbook
Description
THE DAILY LOAF
*JIM" MORROW, Chief Loafer
Affiliated with The Morning Milk, The Dinner Bell, The Evening Drag, and Other Great Dailies
No. 23
First, Last, and Only Editton
Price: Non Cents
EXTRA! EXTRA!
DAYLIGHT ROBERY
IN FRONT CORRIDOR
DETECTIVES ON JOB
Jan. 27, 1916.—Students loafing 'round
the front corridor this morning were
thrilled to the bone by one of the most
daring robberies in the history of the
United States. As Frank Coonan was tracing his steps past the doors of the main entrance, a masked bandit leaped in through
the door, jerked a ring from Coonan's finger, and rushed out again. He escaped on
a motorcycle leaving a smell behind.
"Deeks" on Job
"Doc" Rogers, famous detective, appeared as usual a little late, but on his
arrival definite action was taken. A lens
was borrowed from the Physic's Lab., with
which to trace the motorcycle tracks.
Kelley and Weil, the famous Keystone
Kops, are assisting in the research. A bottle of the motorcycle smell was obtained by
Simon Holtz, who, with Al Cone, is now
analysing the same in their famous chemical laboratory.
Ring Valuable
Coonan bemoans the loss of the ring
very much, since half of it did not belong
to him. It seems that he and Eddie Ryan
bought it at the Independent Five and
Ten, and were to use it alternately in the
minstrel tonight. Three cents reward is
offered. No questions asked.
TOM WOLFE HELD
AS ENGLISH SPY
PROVES INNOCENCE
(Received directly from the Associated
Pest.)
Berlin, Germany.—Tom Wolfe arrested
here today as English spy by German Secret Service. Inability to speak the English
language gained his immediate release.
THE I. D.
Sitting beside sweet K. T.
Holding her hand was K. C,
Then he looked into her I's,
By this time your Y's,
U. C, K. C. loves K. T.
NATION STUNNED BY
HORRIBLE ACCIDENT
ALL SAINT AMBROSE MOURNS
Hicksville, 111., 7-4-'16.—"Si" Buckley,
the sporty Saint Ambrose baseball and football star, while hitching up his mule yesterday, was kicked something awful in the
back of the barn. The funeral will not be
held until the 10th inst., as the mule that
done the kicking is the one that Undertaker John Hollenrake uses to pull the
hearse, and the said mule is now laid up
with a broken leg, thus making the accident doubly unfortunate.
HELLWEG CONSIDERED
A GENUINE GENIUS
RENDERS INVALUABLE AID TO HIS
FATHERLAND
Goodnite, Holland.—When the Germans
were attempting to make a surprising
rush across northern Belgium they were
compelled to stop here on account of the
flooded roads. However, Rex Hellweg, an
Americanized genius, invented a means of
clearing the roads, thus allowing his fellow-countrymen to continue their march.
He merely put a jack-screw under one end
of the trench and thus tipping it up,
allowed the water to run off. Funny no
one else thought of that before.
MILLETT FAINTS
FROM SHOCK
FOUND RIGID IN ROOM BY SCHMIDT
He felt his way carefully through the
intense darkness. With one hand on the
wall and all his senses on the alert he
stepped forward. With infinite caution he
made his way, inches at a time. Ah, what
was that noise? Could that be IT? His
hand suddenly came in contact with something warm and metallic and a curious in-
senate feeling overtook him. At last he
realized the full significance of his discovery. There was steam in a private
room at 6 a. m. The radiator was really
warm! The shock was too much. His
senses deserted him.
*JIM" MORROW, Chief Loafer
Affiliated with The Morning Milk, The Dinner Bell, The Evening Drag, and Other Great Dailies
No. 23
First, Last, and Only Editton
Price: Non Cents
EXTRA! EXTRA!
DAYLIGHT ROBERY
IN FRONT CORRIDOR
DETECTIVES ON JOB
Jan. 27, 1916.—Students loafing 'round
the front corridor this morning were
thrilled to the bone by one of the most
daring robberies in the history of the
United States. As Frank Coonan was tracing his steps past the doors of the main entrance, a masked bandit leaped in through
the door, jerked a ring from Coonan's finger, and rushed out again. He escaped on
a motorcycle leaving a smell behind.
"Deeks" on Job
"Doc" Rogers, famous detective, appeared as usual a little late, but on his
arrival definite action was taken. A lens
was borrowed from the Physic's Lab., with
which to trace the motorcycle tracks.
Kelley and Weil, the famous Keystone
Kops, are assisting in the research. A bottle of the motorcycle smell was obtained by
Simon Holtz, who, with Al Cone, is now
analysing the same in their famous chemical laboratory.
Ring Valuable
Coonan bemoans the loss of the ring
very much, since half of it did not belong
to him. It seems that he and Eddie Ryan
bought it at the Independent Five and
Ten, and were to use it alternately in the
minstrel tonight. Three cents reward is
offered. No questions asked.
TOM WOLFE HELD
AS ENGLISH SPY
PROVES INNOCENCE
(Received directly from the Associated
Pest.)
Berlin, Germany.—Tom Wolfe arrested
here today as English spy by German Secret Service. Inability to speak the English
language gained his immediate release.
THE I. D.
Sitting beside sweet K. T.
Holding her hand was K. C,
Then he looked into her I's,
By this time your Y's,
U. C, K. C. loves K. T.
NATION STUNNED BY
HORRIBLE ACCIDENT
ALL SAINT AMBROSE MOURNS
Hicksville, 111., 7-4-'16.—"Si" Buckley,
the sporty Saint Ambrose baseball and football star, while hitching up his mule yesterday, was kicked something awful in the
back of the barn. The funeral will not be
held until the 10th inst., as the mule that
done the kicking is the one that Undertaker John Hollenrake uses to pull the
hearse, and the said mule is now laid up
with a broken leg, thus making the accident doubly unfortunate.
HELLWEG CONSIDERED
A GENUINE GENIUS
RENDERS INVALUABLE AID TO HIS
FATHERLAND
Goodnite, Holland.—When the Germans
were attempting to make a surprising
rush across northern Belgium they were
compelled to stop here on account of the
flooded roads. However, Rex Hellweg, an
Americanized genius, invented a means of
clearing the roads, thus allowing his fellow-countrymen to continue their march.
He merely put a jack-screw under one end
of the trench and thus tipping it up,
allowed the water to run off. Funny no
one else thought of that before.
MILLETT FAINTS
FROM SHOCK
FOUND RIGID IN ROOM BY SCHMIDT
He felt his way carefully through the
intense darkness. With one hand on the
wall and all his senses on the alert he
stepped forward. With infinite caution he
made his way, inches at a time. Ah, what
was that noise? Could that be IT? His
hand suddenly came in contact with something warm and metallic and a curious in-
senate feeling overtook him. At last he
realized the full significance of his discovery. There was steam in a private
room at 6 a. m. The radiator was really
warm! The shock was too much. His
senses deserted him.
Date
1916
Rights
St. Ambrose University, 518 W. Locust St., Davenport, IA 52803
Identifier
http://cdm16810.contentdm.oclc.org/cdm/ref/collection/p16810coll2/id/3514