1922 Yearbook
Source URL
Title
1922 Yearbook
Description
The Ambrosian
THAT FOOTBALL GAME
It all started when Julius
Caesar, ace of the ancient masterminds, held a hot argument
with Andy Gump, dangerous
contender for the same crown
amongst modern geniuses. The
subject of the argument was
athletics—ancient vs. modern.
Caesar argued that the big guns
of his day had the modern
head-liners backed off the Rand-
McNally's when it came to
athletic competition. Naturally, Andy, in his usual pert,
aggressive, confident manner
stated that alongside the modern kids the athletes of old
looked like sand-lotters. They decided to settle it at football. Right then and there
was started this gigantic event which rocked the old world on its heels and left it in a
groggy daze.
A few days later Gump and Caesar, Promoters, took over a fifteen-story office
building in New York and the giant wheels were set in motion. First a snappy advertising campaign was started in all the countries of the universe. Then arrangements were made for the sale of ducats, for transportation to the scene of the big
struggle, and for sheltering and feeding the hordes when they got there. Then the big
promoters picked their teams, trainers, coaches and training camps. Caesar led his
band of gridders to Sunny France and went into secret training. Andy headed his
athletes to Sunnier California (according to the railroad ads) and they also went
through their training paces behind closed gates.
At last the big day arrived. The mass of spectators, 62,350,000 of them, were all
seated in the stadium (all except Job, the Patience Champ, who was at the gate,
calmly and slowly searching his thirteen various pockets for the fifty-seventh time in
hopes of locating his admission pasteboard). The ancient rooters, carrying the purple
and gold colors of the team, were seated on the east side. The modern fans, waving
their maroon and pink banners, took their places on the west side. It was a sight
rivaled only by judgment day, itself. The throng was made up of people of all walks
of life, all nationalities, races and creeds. There w^ere people from Honduras, Guatemala, Greece, Scotland, Ireland, England, Germany, France,
Cuba, Mexico, United States, Canada, Brazil, Belgium,
Italy, Japan, Holland, Nonvay, Panama, Siam, Sweden,
Spain, Russia, Turkey, Venezuela, DeWitt, Rock Island,
and Geneseo. In short, everybody that was anybody from
Adam to Tommy O'Connor was there. (Not wishing to
throwT a shadow of suspicion on Tommy, but, although a
most thorough search was made by officials at the ticket
taker's gate, no ducat bearing his name could be found.
Who said that one-hundred-and-twenty-foot wall was insurmountable?)
Up and down the long aisles candy butchers made their
way, yelling and selling their wares. "Bonbons, salted peanuts, etc.!" was the monotonous wail of some. Others
vended ham sandwiches and beer, wood alcohol and pickles,
One Hundred Sixty-eight
THAT FOOTBALL GAME
It all started when Julius
Caesar, ace of the ancient masterminds, held a hot argument
with Andy Gump, dangerous
contender for the same crown
amongst modern geniuses. The
subject of the argument was
athletics—ancient vs. modern.
Caesar argued that the big guns
of his day had the modern
head-liners backed off the Rand-
McNally's when it came to
athletic competition. Naturally, Andy, in his usual pert,
aggressive, confident manner
stated that alongside the modern kids the athletes of old
looked like sand-lotters. They decided to settle it at football. Right then and there
was started this gigantic event which rocked the old world on its heels and left it in a
groggy daze.
A few days later Gump and Caesar, Promoters, took over a fifteen-story office
building in New York and the giant wheels were set in motion. First a snappy advertising campaign was started in all the countries of the universe. Then arrangements were made for the sale of ducats, for transportation to the scene of the big
struggle, and for sheltering and feeding the hordes when they got there. Then the big
promoters picked their teams, trainers, coaches and training camps. Caesar led his
band of gridders to Sunny France and went into secret training. Andy headed his
athletes to Sunnier California (according to the railroad ads) and they also went
through their training paces behind closed gates.
At last the big day arrived. The mass of spectators, 62,350,000 of them, were all
seated in the stadium (all except Job, the Patience Champ, who was at the gate,
calmly and slowly searching his thirteen various pockets for the fifty-seventh time in
hopes of locating his admission pasteboard). The ancient rooters, carrying the purple
and gold colors of the team, were seated on the east side. The modern fans, waving
their maroon and pink banners, took their places on the west side. It was a sight
rivaled only by judgment day, itself. The throng was made up of people of all walks
of life, all nationalities, races and creeds. There w^ere people from Honduras, Guatemala, Greece, Scotland, Ireland, England, Germany, France,
Cuba, Mexico, United States, Canada, Brazil, Belgium,
Italy, Japan, Holland, Nonvay, Panama, Siam, Sweden,
Spain, Russia, Turkey, Venezuela, DeWitt, Rock Island,
and Geneseo. In short, everybody that was anybody from
Adam to Tommy O'Connor was there. (Not wishing to
throwT a shadow of suspicion on Tommy, but, although a
most thorough search was made by officials at the ticket
taker's gate, no ducat bearing his name could be found.
Who said that one-hundred-and-twenty-foot wall was insurmountable?)
Up and down the long aisles candy butchers made their
way, yelling and selling their wares. "Bonbons, salted peanuts, etc.!" was the monotonous wail of some. Others
vended ham sandwiches and beer, wood alcohol and pickles,
One Hundred Sixty-eight
Date
1922
Rights
St. Ambrose University, 518 W. Locust St., Davenport, IA 52803
Identifier
http://cdm16810.contentdm.oclc.org/cdm/ref/collection/p16810coll2/id/8242